Reasons
by themarshal
Summary: While preparing the report on the mission to kill the Shadow Broker, Miranda is confronted by a battered Alice Shepard, wondering why Miranda didn't tell her how Cerberus had recovered her body.  FemShep/Liara romance referred.


_**Author's Note:** __I took a few liberties with established canon, mostly assuming that Liara did not tell Shepard about why she was hunting the Shadow Broker. I always felt that her telling Shepard about why she was doing what she was doing weakened the impact that information could have had when delivered at the right moment. I felt that it weakened Shepard's decision to help Liara out, and also made any attempt on Shepard's part to talk about their relationship during LotSB a little... tacky._

_This story assumes that Lair of the Shadow Broker is run late in the game, but still prior to the Suicide Mission._

* * *

Miranda glanced over the report for a third time. The act was a waste of time, she'd memorized it as soon as she'd written it. Everything was there, perfect; exactly as she had meant to write it. _Shadow Broker killed... Liara T'Soni has taken control of the Shadow Broker's information network... relationship with Shepard warrants close observation... ensure all information leaks within Cerberus are eliminated..._ Still, something about the entire report felt _wrong_. She steepled her fingers and lowered her eyes to her desk. Moments later, the door to her chambers slid open.

"Lawson, are you _trying_ to make my life difficult?" Alice Shepard growled.

Miranda gave a little smile without looking up. Shepard had always seemed fond of humor, Miranda recalled. Such a thing had never come easy to Miranda, but she appreciated the camaraderie that the sarcasm and playful jibes Shepard imparted apparently fostered amongst the crew. Perhaps this would be a good time to give it a shot. "Only in the most cursory ways-"

Alice sat down with a resounding thud on the chair opposite Miranda, the clacking of armor interrupting Miranda's train of thought. She looked up and let out a concerned gasp. "Shepard!" Scorch marks from gun fire and dozens of deep gouges marred the normally pristine white and grey body armor. Her red hair was matted with blood, some of which had dripped down her face and appeared to have been partially smeared away. Miranda's eyes drifted towards Alice's left arm, which hung weirdly at her side. "What the hell..."

"Yes, it's dislocated, and it _hurts_ - a lot. So talk - _fast,_" Alice rhythmically responded, yanking her visor off through her tangled, bloody hair and tossing it aside. "Why the hell didn't you tell me, Miranda?" Her eyes bore into Miranda's, nostrils flaring. A hint of a snarl crossed her face.

Miranda lowered her eyes to think, itemizing the various points of data that might give her a clue as to what... _Didn't tell her… __Shadow Broker... Liara... ah... _It only took Miranda a scant few moments to realize. _Cerberus… and Liara..._ She met Alice's gaze. "She finally told you."

"No, _she_ didn't tell me... I had to find out from the Shadow Broker... right before he damn near ripped my arm off." She was breathing heavily now.

Miranda shook her head. "It was Liara's prerogative to tell..."

"_Bullshit!_" Alice spat. "Don't give me that. You were under _orders_ not to tell me."

Miranda took a moment before responding. "Yes," she solemnly confirmed.

Alice leaned back in her chair, her chest still rising and falling quickly despite her more relaxed posture. She peered at Miranda through narrowed eyes. "Why?"

Miranda cocked her head to the side. _Surely she understands..._ "Your relationship with Liara was deemed something that would merely distrac..."

"Not that pre-packaged Cerberus _crap_..." Alice interrupted. "That much I could guess... but why didn't _you_ tell me? I'd _like_ to think that we've come farther than you slamming my head against the wall on the Lazarus station to get me on that damn shuttle."

Miranda laughed softly, smiling at the memory. She'd nearly forgotten about that. It seemed so long ago, but it had only been... what... six months? Seven? They had _both_ come a long way since then. Shepard more than Miranda could have imagined… She shook her head. "I told you before, Shepard. At first, I didn't think that you could do this, any of it. I didn't want anything else to..."

"Right – again, Lawson, I get that much. But I know you well enough to know that you think differently _now_. Why didn't you tell me?"

Miranda leaned forward heavily on her elbows, avoiding Alice's gaze. She took a long, deep breath as she pondered her response. A lie would be easy to tell - she'd already concocted three which were moderately believable. _But... I suppose she deserves the truth..._ She raised her head and stared back at Alice.

"Two years ago, shortly after your death, Cerberus approached Liara T'Soni to assist in recovering your body."

"You chose _her_ instead of any..."

"Yes."

"Because of our..."

"Yes. A personal interest is certainly a strong motivator." Miranda paused when she noticed Alice repeatedly clench and unclench her hand into a fist. "Though, according to Cerberus intel on you and the crew of the original _Normandy_, any one of your squad would have fit that bill. Beyond that, based on my studies of Liara's writings..."

Alice's face turned up in shock. "You read her journal?"

"No, her professional writings – dissertations, theses, white papers… Everything of hers that I read told of a remarkable dedication to her work. I recommended Liara for the mission because I knew that she would have the willpower to go places and do things which the rest of your old crew might not, and the intellect and… purpose… that the others lacked. I knew that she wouldn't fail." She nodded. "Turns out I was right."

"Did you tell her..."

"What we intended to do with your body once it was recovered?" Miranda preempted. She shook her head. "No. Not at first. We told her what we knew - that the Collectors wanted your corpse for reasons we still don't understand to this day. It didn't take much con…"

"You said not at first..."

Miranda nodded. "Yes."

"When did you..."

"When she successfully completed the mission and returned with your body, I… we - the Lazarus team - immediately set to work, taking stock of the damage your body had sustained, prepping you for surgery..."

"So she figured it out on her own..."

"She not stupid - she asked and I confirmed. At the time I was unsure of the potential for success. In addition to the expected shattered bones and tissue damage, there was..."

"Is there a point to all this, Lawson?"

Miranda sighed. "Before she left, Liara requested a minute alone with your body."

Alice choked back a sob. She held her breath and quickly turned her face away from Miranda. Miranda looked up for a moment, seeing tears beginning to rim Alice's eyes. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I allowed it, even though at the time I saw it as unnecessary senti..." she stopped, shaking her head. Now _certainly_ wasn't the time for how _she_ had felt. She sighed softly before continuing. "I don't know what she said or did while I was out of the room, I gave her her privacy like she asked. When I returned... I... placed a hand on her shoulder to let her know it was time to go... and she... collapsed in tears. She had to be moved to another part of the facility, and I was told that she remained awake, though nearly catatonic, for several hours afterward."

Miranda looked up to Alice. She had closed her eyes, failing to stem the tiny trickle of tears that were running down the side of her blood-smeared face. Miranda sat back in her chair and waited a few moments, then continued. "Initially, I chalked up her reaction to grief and shock. Despite having dealt with your death for weeks, the reality of actually seeing the corpse of her lover up close certainly could have caused her state. But there was this nagging doubt in my head that caused me to revisit that moment - over and over - for the next two years."

"Shouldn't you have been focused on putting me back together?" Alice tried to joke, managing a weak smile through her tears.

Miranda pursed her lips in amusement. "I can multitask quite well, Shepard..." she responded dryly. "As I said, the explanation didn't sit well with me, and I didn't fully understand _why_ until we saw her on Illium."

Alice opened her eyes and - desperately not wanting to relive that day - cautiously looked at Miranda.

"Two years ago, after delivering your body, and before leaving, Liara repeatedly mentioned the Shadow Broker. I disregarded the comments at the time – she had just spent several weeks nearly getting herself killed trying to get your body away from him, after all. But on Illium, after witnessing her…" she paused, weighing her next words carefully. "…tepid response to seeing you alive… and discovering her vendetta against the Shadow Broker over the life of a drell that she hardly knew… It all made sense." Miranda stopped, giving Alice a chance to reach the conclusion herself.

It didn't take Alice long. Her face remained stoic, despite the tears still streaming down her cheeks. "Guilt," she choked.

Miranda nodded slowly. "Guilt - guilt over trading one life for another - guilt over handing your body to Cerberus." She lowered her eyes. "I didn't…"

"No…" Alice shook her head.

Miranda furrowed her brow. "Shepard… I'm fairly certain…"

"No, I… I mean…" Alice swallowed hard. "I mean it was more than that. More than just her giving me over to Cerberus."

Miranda tilted her head to the side expectantly.

Alice took several shuddering breaths. Her head was raised toward the ceiling in the hope that it would stem the flow of tears. "All… the entire time we were _together…_ I just… I… I _hate_ when people act selfishly. It's just… It's so _destructive_ to everyone and everything around them when they think only of themselves. Politicians and corporations and… they're just… so much pain… And I _told_ her that – _constantly_. I _lived_ it… or tried to… But… but then I met her and… for the first time in my entire life I wanted something for myself. And I…" Alice closed her eyes and grew quiet. For nearly a minute simply she simply sat there, her breathing finally steady and quiet. Miranda began to wonder if she'd fallen asleep, dislocated shoulder and all.

Then, eyes still closed, she spoke in hushed tones. "I can't… _imagine…_ what it was like for her. Standing there over… whatever I must have looked like… Thinking that she may well have doomed Feron… Knowing that she was handing me over to my _sworn_ enemy… All in some… some _desperate_ attempt to get me back… for her own…" Alice's face fell. Her shoulders rocked with silent sobs and she brought her hand to her face. Miranda sat quietly and waited, allowing Alice the dignity of her emotions.

She sighed forlornly, shaking her head. "If she had _any_ idea what _I _would do… to get _her_ back…" Miranda nodded slowly in understanding.

Alice took an unsteady breath. "So the reason you didn't tell me…" she trailed off.

Miranda let the silence hang in the air for several long moments. She opened her mouth slightly, preparing her response. "I wasn't sure that you _wouldn't_ hate her for what she did. And after what she'd been through... I didn't think she deserved that."

Alice began to laugh – a mournful sound if Miranda had ever heard one. Alice gave another sigh, raising her gaze to meet Miranda's once more. "So when I was ready to approach the Illusive Man for help tracking down the Shadow Broker… you stopped me, saying that you could get the information…"

Miranda nodded.

"…and that you had _debts_ to repay…"

She nodded again.

"…you meant to Liara."

"Yes."

Alice sat quietly with her eyes closed for several breaths. Then she gave a small chuckle. "You know, Miranda, you were a _lot_ easier to hate before I got to know you..."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, Commander," Miranda responded with a smirk.

Alice grinned, and tried unsuccessfully to lean forward in her chair. Grimacing, she tried twice more before sputtering a sigh. "Can you help me up?" she whined, laughing slightly.

Miranda suddenly remembered how badly hurt Alice was. "You can't stand up on your own?" She hurriedly got out of her chair and started around the table towards Alice. "Shepard, you should have..."

"Well, it took a lot of energy to be pissed at you, Lawson," Alice snarked.

"I imagine having your arm ripped off may have had something to do with it..."

"Maybe that, too..."

Miranda placed a hand against Alice's forehead. "No fever, but you're certainly clammy – seems like the adrenaline's finally worn off."

Alice chuckled. "No… that wore off a while ago."

"You're exhausted from the pain and the fight…"

Alice smiled broadly. "I've been going off the power of _love_," Alice joked.

"...and apparently mildly delirious, to boot," Miranda quipped.

"Mmm… I'm just so…" Alice felt her vision blur slightly. She swallowed hard and finally felt her head swimming. Perhaps the Miranda was right… The exhaustion of a long fight… and the relief of finally being reunited with Liara… and the emotional rollercoaster that the last five minutes had been…

"Take off your armor," Miranda interrupted.

Alice's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"You need to get to the med-bay, but first I'm going to set your shoulder. And to do that, I need you to remove your armor."

"You trying to get me naked, Lawson? 'Cause I'll have you know I'm spoken for now… again…"

"Shepard, I spent two years putting you back together, I've seen you without your clothes on. Hell, I've seen you without your bloody _skin_ on."

"Thaaat's just an excuse…" Alice slurred, grinning stupidly as Miranda began to unbuckle her chest-plate. "Just an excuse to… whoah…" Alice wobbled in her chair when the heavy armor was removed. Miranda steadied Alice with one hand and pulled off the shoulder-guard with the other, grimacing at the mess of purplish-blue tissue that Alice's shoulder had become.

She adjusted her grip on Alice's shoulder and took her left forearm in her hand. "This is going to hurt," she warned.

Alice grinned. "Nah... I'll be fine… I've got the power of lo…" Miranda chose that moment to yank – hard. A resounding 'pop' echoed through the room. Alice's eyes shot wide open. Her entire body stiffened and a loud yell shot forth from her lips. Falling to the floor, she doubled over on her knees and spat out an elaborate stream of curses. Alice's cursing slowly devolved into laughter, small amounts of spittle dropping from her lips. "Holy shit, Miranda…" she panted heavily. "Warn me before you do something like that!"

"I believe I did," Miranda smirked, placing a hand on her hip. "How's the arm?"

Alice gingerly tried to raise her left arm, finding that it – painfully – responded to her commands after nearly an hour out of its socket. She nodded, trying to catch her breath from the exertion. Miranda knelt down and pulled Alice's uninjured arm over her shoulder, lifting Alice to a standing position. She started forward slowly, making sure Alice's feet could keep up with the movement.

As they neared the door, Alice turned her head slightly towards Miranda's. "Miranda…"

"Yes, Commander?"

Alice paused a moment, mulling her words. "Thank you."

Miranda gave a small shrug. "Of course, Commander." She offered a wry grin. "Any time I get to cause you _some_ physical discomfort…"

"No," Alice laughed. "No, not… not my arm. I meant…"

"I know what you meant, Shepard…" Miranda nodded. A whisper of a smile crossed her lips.

Alice felt her eyelids grow heavier with each step. She tried desperately to remain standing under her own power, but increasingly found herself relying upon Miranda to keep her upright. She was surprised at the amount of comfort she took in the other woman's support. Gently laying her head on Miranda's shoulder, she allowed herself the contentment of relinquishing control for these few moments.

* * *

Miranda strode back into her quarters, having relinquished the wounded Shepard to the care of Dr. Chakwas. She picked up the discarded pieces of Shepard's armor and stacked them in the corner. She'd take them down in the armory for repairs later. Placing her hands on her hips, she gazed for a long moment at her terminal and the unsent report on its screen.

_Yes, Shepard,_ Miranda thought to herself. _I told you that I had debts to repay._ _I also told you…_ She sat down at her terminal and stared hard at it.

_I told you that I can tell which way the wind is blowing. And Liara T'Soni… your lover… assuming the role of Shadow Broker is…_

She deleted the message.

…_just one more sign that I'm right._ Her fingers danced over the keyboard. Obfuscating the report – excluding any distinguishing details about Liara or the location of the base – was remarkably easy.

_One more sign that you will succeed against the Collectors and the Reapers after them._ She clicked the keyboard one last time, sending off the falsified report to the Illusive Man.

_And I'll be by your side when you do._


End file.
